Thursday, April 7, 2011
Uggh...
I'm so tired so so tired so sick and so tired being single. No one has any idea or understands in the slightest.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Victory Attainable at the cost of Self...
I would like to think I occasionally exude some modicum of positive energy, I know at least when I'm surrounded by my friends they can say I am a happy positive guy. That is a lie though, that me I should say. I am inside kind of miserable and sad feeling. I have what I like to call Smuggler's luck, only good luck in the face of extreme adversity. I can't win otherwise, gambling, women, video games, nothing. I just feel extra sucky tonight because as usual a girl I decide I'm going to talk to has a boyfriend. Just my luck, which is actually twice in a row for me, maybe I'm winning at losing I could perhaps be the best loser in the entire universe. I wish I could import the Bobs Burger scene of his kids yelling yay, at him achieving an awful record with the Health Inspector. Anyhow I just had to sulk a bit, I feel like the ass end of an ass, just awful. Well anyhow blog-verse hasta mananas and luegos. I am also one week away from the Anniversary of my Mom's passing which I don't know what I'm going to do. I won't lie I am probably going to handle it real awfully it won't be a good day.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Of Being Single, Personal Space, and Awful Boyfriends
Welcome to my world where because I say it it's the truth. Also known as my blog. I guess my first topic of discussion will be me. My relationships well lack thereof, and other things concerning, relationships between two people and this crazy world we live in. I will gladly accept disputes but I would also like to remind everyone this is my place and my place is one where if I say it, it's pretty much fact.
I guess I'll start with being single. I hate it, it is in fact, well at least for me one of the loneliest states of existence one can be in. Others may in fact love being single, but I hate it. I hate not having anyone to speak to or comfort me, I hate feeling unattractive and unwanted, there are so MANY things about being single I hate but mostly I hate being lonely. Now many people believe being single is the apex of life, I don't. I have a had a total of two relationships in my life totaling a span of about 3 months. For the rest of my life I have been single, and not single in the entertaining women type of single, like completely alone. No dates, no interested parties just me watching all my other friends make out with each other. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was going on. All I have concluded is I am alone, and must have something very particularly wrong with me since I have been rejected more times than (insert very rejected thing here).
I love my friends and appreciate all the advice they have given me, but I am in a different place than any of them and I feel like they have no idea what it's like to be AS lonely and AS alone as I feel. They can say things like "it will come to you" and "stop looking" and "don't think about it" but it has been something I have tried and sadly an interested woman did not fall out the sky into my lap and offer me her phone number. As much as they tell me NOT to want it, how am I supposed to not want it, having someone to care for and care for you in that unique way is kind of a necessity and people can go a few months without it, but 23 years is a long time to ask someone to starve don't you think. Maybe I'm overly idealistic about the relationship thing or maybe I have holes in myself I should fix myself, but the honest to goodness facts I feel are lonely, unattractive and unwanted, and sure I should have the self confidence in myself to feel good about me, but if every one you ever asked told you that you the sky was purple you're thoughts on the color blue would be a little altered.
I guess next up I will voice my frustration on bad boyfriends, I don't know why the rule works in favor of jerks but as a nice guy, a genuine gentleman, I can say I am kind of fed up with what I see. I was once told that I wouldn't have a girlfriend until College, because I was such a nice guy and women wouldn't appreciate that until I was older. I always had that thought in the back of my head, and though High School was torturous and I was single most of that time, until I had came across a young lady who was mature enough to be happy with a nice guy. When I got out I was kind of excited, I was leaving all that behind, and would finally find a mature young lady who would be so happy I wasn't caught up in being childish or being a jerk, but even at the age of 23 I still here women GROWN ADULT WOMEN say stuff like "why is he getting you a gift he must be up to something." or "He's too nice he must be hiding something". Honestly not every guy is a jerk, and if these women stopped dating creeps they wouldn't have to be suspicious of guys who are doing nothing wrong. The other half of the equation makes me sick as well. I love all women they are wonderfully wonderful creatures and they date guys who could care less about them, treat them awfully, and don't care about them. Then they keep them as long as they want to be kept. I occasionally wish I could be a douche and not only would I have a million girlfriends I wouldn't care about being single.
Finally my rant on boundaries. This isn't so much of a dislike thing or like thing it's just a funny thing, with the invention of the internet personal boundaries have increased drastically. People don't have to talk or call each other anymore, just post on Facebook. Ridiculous. It's funny how if you get a girls phone number and text her instead of calling her you might actually have crossed a line. I personally believe in intimacy and closeness getting to know people by watching listening and understanding them, and further by touching and holding them. Apparently I am way too old school for 2011 I guess.
I guess I'll start with being single. I hate it, it is in fact, well at least for me one of the loneliest states of existence one can be in. Others may in fact love being single, but I hate it. I hate not having anyone to speak to or comfort me, I hate feeling unattractive and unwanted, there are so MANY things about being single I hate but mostly I hate being lonely. Now many people believe being single is the apex of life, I don't. I have a had a total of two relationships in my life totaling a span of about 3 months. For the rest of my life I have been single, and not single in the entertaining women type of single, like completely alone. No dates, no interested parties just me watching all my other friends make out with each other. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was going on. All I have concluded is I am alone, and must have something very particularly wrong with me since I have been rejected more times than (insert very rejected thing here).
I love my friends and appreciate all the advice they have given me, but I am in a different place than any of them and I feel like they have no idea what it's like to be AS lonely and AS alone as I feel. They can say things like "it will come to you" and "stop looking" and "don't think about it" but it has been something I have tried and sadly an interested woman did not fall out the sky into my lap and offer me her phone number. As much as they tell me NOT to want it, how am I supposed to not want it, having someone to care for and care for you in that unique way is kind of a necessity and people can go a few months without it, but 23 years is a long time to ask someone to starve don't you think. Maybe I'm overly idealistic about the relationship thing or maybe I have holes in myself I should fix myself, but the honest to goodness facts I feel are lonely, unattractive and unwanted, and sure I should have the self confidence in myself to feel good about me, but if every one you ever asked told you that you the sky was purple you're thoughts on the color blue would be a little altered.
I guess next up I will voice my frustration on bad boyfriends, I don't know why the rule works in favor of jerks but as a nice guy, a genuine gentleman, I can say I am kind of fed up with what I see. I was once told that I wouldn't have a girlfriend until College, because I was such a nice guy and women wouldn't appreciate that until I was older. I always had that thought in the back of my head, and though High School was torturous and I was single most of that time, until I had came across a young lady who was mature enough to be happy with a nice guy. When I got out I was kind of excited, I was leaving all that behind, and would finally find a mature young lady who would be so happy I wasn't caught up in being childish or being a jerk, but even at the age of 23 I still here women GROWN ADULT WOMEN say stuff like "why is he getting you a gift he must be up to something." or "He's too nice he must be hiding something". Honestly not every guy is a jerk, and if these women stopped dating creeps they wouldn't have to be suspicious of guys who are doing nothing wrong. The other half of the equation makes me sick as well. I love all women they are wonderfully wonderful creatures and they date guys who could care less about them, treat them awfully, and don't care about them. Then they keep them as long as they want to be kept. I occasionally wish I could be a douche and not only would I have a million girlfriends I wouldn't care about being single.
Finally my rant on boundaries. This isn't so much of a dislike thing or like thing it's just a funny thing, with the invention of the internet personal boundaries have increased drastically. People don't have to talk or call each other anymore, just post on Facebook. Ridiculous. It's funny how if you get a girls phone number and text her instead of calling her you might actually have crossed a line. I personally believe in intimacy and closeness getting to know people by watching listening and understanding them, and further by touching and holding them. Apparently I am way too old school for 2011 I guess.
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